How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

A Complete Mind Map of Communication Skills for Parents • by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

About This Book

7 Chapters | 30+ Skills | Millions of Families Helped

This groundbreaking book offers practical, respectful approaches to communicating with children. Based on the work of child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott, Faber and Mazlish present specific skills that help parents connect with their children, solve problems, and build lasting relationships based on mutual respect.

The attitude behind your words is as important as the words themselves. — Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN
Communication Skills That Transform Parent-Child Relationships

PART I: The Foundation - Understanding and Accepting Feelings

Chapter 1

Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings

The Heart of Connection

Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected. When we deny their feelings, they learn to distrust their own perceptions. When we accept their feelings, they feel understood and can move forward.

Chapter 2

Engaging Cooperation

Getting Kids to Help Without Nagging

Instead of demanding, criticizing, or threatening, learn specific techniques that invite children to cooperate. These skills respect both the child's autonomy and the parent's needs.

PART II: Discipline That Teaches

Chapter 3

Alternatives to Punishment

Discipline That Doesn't Hurt

Punishment may stop behavior temporarily but creates resentment and rebellion. These alternatives address problems while preserving the parent-child relationship and teaching responsibility.

Chapter 4

Encouraging Autonomy

Raising Independent Thinkers

Our goal is to help children become independent, capable people who can think for themselves. These skills foster self-reliance while maintaining connection and guidance.

PART III: Building Self-Worth

Chapter 5

Praise

The Power of Descriptive Appreciation

Not all praise is helpful. Evaluative praise can create dependence on external validation. Descriptive praise builds genuine self-esteem and internal motivation.

Chapter 6

Freeing Children from Playing Roles

Breaking Free from Labels

Labels like "shy," "stubborn," or "the difficult one" trap children in roles. Learn to help children see themselves in new ways and develop their full potential.

PART IV: Putting It All Together

Chapter 7

Putting It All Together

Real Stories, Real Solutions

Parents share their experiences applying these skills in real-life situations. See how the techniques work together to transform everyday challenges into opportunities for connection.

Core Principles of This Approach

Feelings First: Accept and acknowledge feelings before trying to fix problems or change behavior.
Respect Goes Both Ways: Children deserve the same respect we give adults.
Describe, Don't Evaluate: Say what you see instead of judging with "good" or "bad."
Problem-Solve Together: Include children in finding solutions to conflicts.
Autonomy Builds Confidence: Let children make choices and learn from experience.
Words Matter: The way we talk to children becomes their inner voice.
Connection Before Correction: Children cooperate when they feel understood.
Progress, Not Perfection: Every positive interaction makes a difference.

Quick Wins to Start Today

Replace "Don't..." with "Let's..." or describing what needs to happen
Instead of "Good job!" try "I see you..." (describe what they did)
When a child is upset, resist the urge to fix it and first listen and name the feeling
Give choices whenever possible: "Do you want to wear the red or blue shirt?"
Use one word instead of lectures: "Teeth." "Homework." "Jacket."