Give Criticism

“Criticizing someone is almost as hard as getting criticized yourself. But criticism is the key to helping people grow.” — Kim Scott

Giving criticism is harder than giving praise, but it’s also more important. Most managers default to Ruinous Empathy—avoiding hard conversations to spare feelings. This chapter shows how to deliver criticism that actually helps people improve.

Why Criticism Is an Act of Kindness

Withholding criticism isn’t kind—it’s cruel. When you don’t tell people about problems, you rob them of the chance to improve.

Criticism Is Kindness When

• It helps someone improve at their job
• It prevents small problems from becoming big problems
• It shows you care enough to have a hard conversation
• It gives people a chance to fix issues before it’s too late
• It respects their ability to handle the truth

The HIP Principle (for Criticism)

Good criticism is Humble, Helpful, and delivered Immediately in Person.

HIP Criticism

Humble: “I may be wrong, but…” or “Here’s what I observed…” Show you’re not infallible.

Helpful: Focus on how they can improve, not just what went wrong. Make it actionable.

Immediate: Don’t wait for annual reviews. Give feedback right away.

In Person: Have the conversation face-to-face or via video. Don’t hide behind email or Slack.

Be Direct (Not Mean)

Clarity is kind. Don’t hint, sugarcoat, or “sandwich” criticism between praise. Say what you mean clearly and directly.

Ruinous Empathy vs. Radical Candor

Ruinous Empathy (Unclear):

• “I thought the presentation was interesting…”
• “Maybe consider looking at the data more?”
• “Some people might think it was too long”
• “It wasn’t bad, just not perfect”

Radical Candor (Clear):

• “The presentation was confusing. Let me show you where I got lost”
• “Your data analysis had three errors. Here they are”
• “The presentation ran 20 minutes over. We need to cut it in half”
• “This isn’t ready yet. Here’s what needs to change”

Criticize in Private (Usually)

Unlike praise, criticism should almost always be given in private. Public criticism humiliates people and shuts down learning.

When Public Criticism Goes Wrong

Public criticism:

• Humiliates the person being criticized
• Makes everyone else uncomfortable
• Triggers defensiveness, not learning
• Damages trust and psychological safety
• Teaches everyone to hide mistakes

Exception: If someone publicly does something that violates team values (e.g., disrespects a colleague), address it immediately but focus on the behavior, not attacking the person.

Key Takeaways

• Withholding criticism is cruel, not kind
• Use the HIP framework: Humble, Helpful, Immediate, In Person
• Be direct and clear—vagueness harms people
• Criticize in private (unlike praise, which is usually public)
• Don’t sugarcoat or use the “praise sandwich”
• Make criticism actionable: tell them how to improve