Get Feedback

“The single most important thing a boss can do is focus on guidance: giving it, receiving it, and encouraging it.” — Kim Scott

Before you can give feedback effectively, you need to show you can receive it. Leaders who don’t solicit criticism create cultures where bad news is hidden. This chapter shows how to encourage people to challenge you.

Why Getting Feedback Is Hard

There’s a power dynamic problem: people are afraid to criticize their boss. Even if you want feedback, people won’t give it because they fear consequences.

The Power Dynamic Problem

• Your team fears being fired or demoted
• They worry about hurting your feelings
• They’ve learned from past bosses to stay quiet
• You have more power than you realize
• Saying “my door is always open” isn’t enough

Have a Go-To Question

Don’t ask vague questions like “Do you have any feedback?” Instead, ask a specific question that’s easy to answer.

Kim Scott’s Go-To Question

“Is there anything I could do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?”

This question:

• Is specific and actionable
• Shows you want to improve
• Makes it about their experience, not your ego
• Asks about behavior (what you do), not who you are

Embrace the Discomfort

When someone finally gives you criticism, your instinct will be to defend yourself or explain. Don’t. Count to six and just listen.

The Six-Second Rule

When you receive criticism, force yourself to:

1. Listen: Don’t interrupt or defend
2. Count to six: Force a pause before responding
3. Reward the candor: Say “Thank you” genuinely
4. Ask clarifying questions: Show you want to understand
5. Commit to action: Explain what you’ll do differently

Reward the Candor

If someone gives you criticism and you react defensively, you’ve just taught everyone never to challenge you again. You must visibly reward candor.

How to Reward Candor

• Say thank you: Mean it. Make eye contact.
• Ask follow-up questions: Show you’re taking it seriously
• Make a visible change: Fix the issue they raised
• Report back: Tell them what you did based on their feedback
• Give credit: Publicly acknowledge their help

Management “Fix-It” Weeks

Sheryl Sandberg at Facebook instituted “fix-it” weeks where the team would list all the annoying things about how she managed—and she’d fix them.

Key Takeaways

• Before you can give feedback, you must receive it
• People fear criticizing their boss—you must actively solicit it
• Have a go-to question that’s specific and actionable
• When you receive criticism, don’t defend—just listen
• Visibly reward candor by making changes and giving credit