Learning to Rise

Part 4: Learning to Rise

“The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including the falls.” — Brene Brown

If you dare greatly, you will fail. That is not pessimism — it is the physics of courage. The question is not whether you will fall, but whether you have the skills to get back up. Learning to Rise is Brown’s three-part process for reckoning with emotion, rumbling with the stories we construct in the aftermath of failure, and writing a new, braver ending rooted in truth rather than self-protective fiction.

Why We Need a Rising Process

When we experience failure, disappointment, or setback, our brains do something predictable and unhelpful: they immediately construct a story to explain what happened. These stories are almost always incomplete, often inaccurate, and frequently self-protective. They blame others, minimize our role, catastrophize the outcome, or confirm our worst fears about ourselves.

The Neuroscience of Story

The Three-Part Rising Process

Brown’s research identified a three-part process that resilient leaders and organizations use to recover from setbacks: The Reckoning, The Rumble, and The Revolution.

Part 1: The Reckoning

The Reckoning is the practice of recognizing that you are in an emotional experience and getting curious about it. It sounds simple, but most people skip this step entirely — either by numbing the emotion, armoring up, or charging forward without acknowledging what they feel.

How to practice the Reckoning:

Part 2: The Rumble

The Rumble is where you challenge the story you have constructed. This is the most difficult and most transformative part of the process. It requires you to surface your first-draft story — what Brown famously calls the “SFD” (Stormy First Draft, or, more colloquially, the “Shitty First Draft”) — and then interrogate it for accuracy.

The SFD Practice:

The single most powerful tool in this section is the phrase: “The story I’m making up is…”

This phrase does several things at once:

Example: After a meeting where your idea was shut down, your SFD might be: “The story I’m making up is that my boss thinks I’m incompetent and that I’ll never be promoted.” That may or may not be true — but until you surface it, the story runs your behavior unconsciously.

Writing Your SFD

When you experience a setback, failure, or emotional trigger, write down your SFD by answering these questions:

  1. What happened? Just the facts — what you observed, not your interpretation.
  2. What story am I making up? Write it all out. Do not edit for rationality or fairness. Let the conspiracy theory flow.
  3. What are my emotions? Name them specifically. Use a feelings vocabulary beyond “angry,” “sad,” and “fine.”
  4. What is my body telling me? Where is the emotion sitting physically?
  5. What are my intentions? What am I tempted to do based on this story? (Withdraw? Attack? Blame? Numb?)
  6. What do I need to reality-check? What assumptions in my story need to be tested?

Rumbling with the SFD

Once you have your SFD on paper, interrogate it:

Part 3: The Revolution

The Revolution is the new ending you write after rumbling with your SFD. It is not a fairy tale or a forced positive spin. It is a story grounded in truth — one that integrates what actually happened, what you learned, and how you will move forward.

The Revolution is revolutionary because it transforms the experience:

A Revolution might sound like: “After rumbling with my SFD about the meeting, I realized my boss did not shut down my idea because he thinks I’m incompetent. He had concerns about the timeline that I had not addressed. I also realized I presented my idea defensively because I was afraid of rejection. Next time, I’ll ask for feedback on my concerns before the meeting and present with more openness to questions.”

Common Patterns in SFDs

Brown’s research identified several recurring patterns in the stories we tell ourselves after setbacks.

The Confabulation Trap

Our brains confabulate — they create coherent narratives from incomplete data. These narratives feel true, even when they are not. Common confabulation patterns include:

Shame vs. Guilt

Brown’s research makes a critical distinction between shame and guilt that is essential for the rising process:

The SFD process helps you distinguish between the two. When your story includes shame (“I am a failure”), the rumble helps you rewrite it as guilt (“I failed at this specific thing, and I can learn from it”).

Shame resilience — the ability to recognize shame, move through it constructively, and maintain your sense of worthiness — is one of the most important skills for daring leaders.

Rising in Organizations

Learning to Rise is not just an individual practice. Organizations can build rising cultures by normalizing the process.

Building a Rising Culture

The Cost of Not Rising

When leaders and organizations do not have a rising process:

Reflection

Think about a recent setback or failure — at work or in life. What was the SFD your brain constructed? Were you the victim, the villain, or the hero? Now rumble with that story: What do you know for certain? What were you assuming? What role did you play? What is the most generous interpretation of the other person’s behavior? What would a braver, truer ending look like?

Key Takeaways

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