Living Into Our Values

“Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk.” — Brene Brown

Most people can rattle off a list of values they believe in. Far fewer can describe what those values look like in practice — especially under pressure. Brown’s research found that daring leaders are never silent about hard things, and they are able to hold themselves and others accountable to behaviors that align with stated values. This section explores how to move from aspirational values to practiced values.

The Values Gap

There is a significant gap between what organizations and leaders profess to value and what they actually practice. Brown calls this the “values gap” — and it is one of the primary sources of disengagement, mistrust, and cynicism in workplaces.

Why the Gap Exists

• We treat values as inspirational posters rather than behavioral commitments
• We have too many values (trying to be everything to everyone)
• We never define what our values look like in practice
• We lack accountability mechanisms for values-based behavior
• Values get tested most when they are hardest to practice — under stress, in conflict, when resources are scarce

Identifying Your Core Values

Brown asks leaders to narrow their values to two core values. Not five, not ten — two. Her reasoning: if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. When you have two values, you have a clear filter for decision-making.

The Values Exercise

1. Start with a long list. Review a list of values (Brown provides one with over 100 options) and circle everything that resonates.
2. Narrow to fifteen. Which ones are truly essential to who you are, not who you wish you were?
3. Narrow to ten. What would you fight for even when it costs you?
4. Narrow to five. What values do you already live, not just aspire to?
5. Narrow to two. Which two values, if you fully practiced them, would make all the others possible?

The final two are your core values. They are the values that anchor every decision, every conversation, and every moment of leadership.

Common Core Values Examples

• Courage and integrity
• Faith and family
• Authenticity and accountability
• Justice and compassion
• Curiosity and growth
• Service and excellence

The specific values matter less than the clarity and commitment behind them. There are no wrong answers — only honest and dishonest ones.

Operationalizing Values

Identifying values is the easy part. Operationalizing them — translating them into specific, observable behaviors — is where the real work begins.

From Values to Behaviors

For each of your two core values, answer these three questions:

1. What are three behaviors that support this value?

   • These should be specific, teachable, measurable, and observable
   • “Be brave” is too vague. “Speak up in meetings when I disagree, even when I’m the only dissenting voice” is specific enough

2. What are three slippery behaviors — actions that are counter to this value?

   • These are the behaviors that tempt you when you are tired, stressed, or afraid
   • Example: If your value is integrity, a slippery behavior might be “staying quiet when someone takes credit for my team’s work”

3. What does it look like when this value is really hard to practice?

   • Values are easy to hold when nothing is at stake
   • They define who you are when they cost you something

Example: Courage as a Value

Supporting behaviors:

• Having the tough conversation within 24 hours instead of letting it fester
• Giving honest feedback even when it might upset someone
• Admitting when I was wrong or when I don’t know the answer

Slippery behaviors:

• Talking about people instead of to them
• Choosing comfort over accountability
• Staying silent in meetings when I disagree because it feels risky

When it’s hard:

• When my boss disagrees and I have to push back anyway
• When giving critical feedback to a high performer I personally like
• When admitting a mistake might cost me a promotion

Values in Organizations

Brown’s research shows that organizations with clearly operationalized values outperform those with aspirational-only values. But the process of getting there requires vulnerability, tough conversations, and genuine commitment from leadership.

Embedding Values in Culture

• Hiring: Interview for values alignment, not just skills. Ask candidates to describe times they practiced specific values.
• Onboarding: Teach new employees the specific behaviors that support organizational values.
• Performance reviews: Evaluate people on values-based behaviors, not just outcomes.
• Promotions: Promote people who model values, even if their numbers aren’t the highest. Promote people who produce results at the expense of values, and you destroy your culture.
• Tough calls: When values conflict with short-term results, choose values. Every time you don’t, you erode trust.

The Integrity Gap

The biggest threat to values-driven culture is the leader who talks about values but does not practice them. Brown calls this the “integrity gap” — the space between what you say and what you do. People do not listen to what you say about values. They watch what you do.

• If you say you value innovation but punish failure, people will stop innovating
• If you say you value transparency but hoard information, people will stop trusting you
• If you say you value work-life balance but send emails at midnight, people will burn out trying to keep up

Reflection

What are your two core values? Can you name three specific, observable behaviors for each? When was the last time one of your values was truly tested — and did you practice it or abandon it under pressure? What slippery behavior do you most need to watch for?

Living BIG

Brown connects values to her “Living BIG” framework, which provides a daily practice for staying anchored in values during moments of conflict or disappointment.

The BIG Framework

• B — Boundaries: What boundaries do I need to set so I can stay in integrity with my values and be generous with my assumptions about others?
• I — Integrity: What is the most courageous thing I can do right now to honor my values?
• G — Generosity: What is the most generous interpretation of this person’s behavior?

Living BIG is particularly powerful in moments of conflict. When someone disappoints you or violates your trust, the instinct is to armor up — judge, blame, or withdraw. Living BIG offers an alternative: set a clear boundary, act with integrity, and choose the generous interpretation first.

Practice: The Values Check-In

At the end of each week, spend ten minutes on this practice:

1. Review your two core values. Say them out loud.
2. Identify one moment this week when you lived into your values. What did it feel like? What was the impact?
3. Identify one moment this week when you did not live into your values. What happened? What armor showed up?
4. Set an intention for next week. What is one specific situation where you want to practice your values more deliberately?
5. Apply the BIG framework to any unresolved conflict or frustration.

Key Takeaways

• Narrow your values to two core values — if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority
• Operationalize your values by defining specific, observable, teachable behaviors for each
• Identify slippery behaviors — the actions that tempt you away from your values under pressure
• Close the integrity gap: people watch what you do, not what you say you value
• Embed values in hiring, onboarding, performance reviews, and promotion decisions
• Use the Living BIG framework (Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity) to stay anchored in values during conflict