âClosing your heart does not protect you from anything. It only ensures that you will suffer.â â Michael A. Singer
Knowing that closing blocks energy is one thing; actually staying open is another. This chapter explores why we close and how we can transcend this automatic tendency through conscious awareness and willingness.
Closing is a protective mechanism. When something threatens usâphysically, emotionally, or psychologicallyâclosing is an attempt to shield ourselves from pain. The heart closes, energy contracts, and we pull back from the experience.
This made sense evolutionarily. If you were in physical danger, closing down would help you focus on survival. But the problem is that we now close to non-physical threats: criticism, rejection, uncertainty, change. We treat psychological discomfort the same way weâd treat a tiger attack.
Hereâs Singerâs radical insight: closing doesnât actually protect you. The event has already happened. Closing only determines how you experience its aftermath. When you close, you donât prevent the painâyou trap it inside and extend your suffering.
Staying open doesnât mean youâll never feel discomfort. It means discomfort will pass through you rather than getting stuck. Closing is like slamming the door after the wind is already insideâit just keeps the wind trapped.
The question isnât whether youâll experience difficult thingsâyou will. The question is whether youâll close to them and suffer long-term, or stay open and let them pass through. Closing prolongs pain; openness allows release.
The first step in transcending closure is catching it when it happens. Most of the time, we close unconsciously. Something triggers us andâbefore we know itâweâre contracted, defensive, and shut down.
With practice, you can begin to notice the moment of closing. Thereâs often a physical sensationâa tightening in the chest, a holding of breath, a tensing of the body. If you can catch this moment, you can make a different choice.
Once you catch the closing, you have a choice: follow the automatic pattern and close, or consciously choose to stay open. Staying open doesnât mean suppressing the reactionâit means relaxing around it, giving it space, not letting it take over.
Singer emphasizes that this is not about positive thinking or pretending youâre not affected. Itâs about feeling fully while not closing down. You can acknowledge that something is painful while choosing not to contract against it.
When something bothers you, itâs like your hand clenching into a fist. You can become aware of the fist and consciously relax it back into an open hand. The trigger is still there, but youâre not gripping around it anymore. This is what staying open feels like.
You donât have to start with the biggest challenges. Start noticing your tendency to close with small annoyances: traffic, waiting in line, minor inconveniences. These are perfect practice opportunities because the stakes are low.
Each time you stay open through a small trigger, you strengthen your capacity for the bigger ones. Itâs like building a muscle. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
At the core of staying open is a willingness to feel uncomfortable. We close because we donât want to feel certain things. Opening requires saying yes to whatever arisesâincluding sensations and emotions weâd rather avoid.
This willingness is the key to freedom. When youâre willing to feel anything, nothing can control you. Youâre no longer organizing your life around avoiding discomfort. You become truly free.
Freedom is not the absence of discomfort. Freedom is the willingness to feel anything without closing.