âChildren are our best teachers. Observing them reveals that we once knew intuitively what weâre now struggling to learn intellectually.â â Thomas M. Sterner
Watch a young child at play and youâre watching the practicing mind in its purest form. Children naturally embody every principle discussed in this book:
We donât need to teach children how to have a practicing mindâwe need to learn from them before we teach them to lose it.
1. Process is Inherently Rewarding
A child playing with blocks isnât thinking âI must build a castle to validate myself.â Theyâre fully engaged in stacking, arranging, knocking down, and rebuilding. The activity itself is the reward.
Adults say: âIâll be happy when I achieve X.â Children show: âIâm happy because Iâm doing this right now.â
2. Mistakes Are Just Information
When a childâs block tower falls, they donât think âIâm terrible at block-building.â They observe what happened and try a different approach. No drama, no self-criticismâjust natural curiosity and adjustment.
Adults turn mistakes into identity: âI failedâ or âIâm not good at this.â Children see mistakes as events: âThat fell down. Iâll try it this way instead.â
3. Repetition is Exploration
Children will slide down the same slide 50 times in a row, finding it equally delightful each time. Theyâre not bored by repetition because theyâre not thinking âbeen there, done that.â Each repetition is a fresh experience.
Adults get bored with practice: âIâve already done this.â Children explore through repetition: âIâm doing this againâand itâs still interesting!â
4. Comparison is Irrelevant
Young children donât look at other kids and think âI should be as advanced as them.â Theyâre too busy engaging with their own exploration.
Adults create suffering through comparison. Children stay present with their own experience.
As children grow, they encounter a culture that teaches them to lose these natural capacities:
School systems emphasize grades over learning: Success becomes about the outcome (the grade) rather than the process (understanding the material). We teach children to be product-focused.
Competition teaches comparison: Weâre constantly ranked and compared. Children learn to judge themselves relative to others rather than engaging with their own development.
Praise focuses on results: âYouâre so smart!â or âGood job!â trains children to seek external validation rather than intrinsic satisfaction from the process.
Efficiency is valued over exploration: âDonât waste timeâ becomes internalized as ârepetition and slow practice are bad.â Speed and productivity replace depth and presence.
Failure becomes shameful: Rather than treating mistakes as information, we teach children to fear them, hide them, and feel diminished by them.
By adolescence, most children have thoroughly learned to be impatient, product-focused, comparative, and judgmentalâall the qualities that make learning difficult and life stressful.
If youâre a parent, teacher, or work with children, you have a precious opportunity: help them maintain their natural practicing mind instead of losing it.
Instead of: âYouâre so talented!â (focuses on innate ability, creates fear of failure) Try: âI notice how you keep trying different approaches. Thatâs how you learn!â (focuses on process and persistence)
Instead of: âDid you win?â (focuses on outcome) Try: âDid you enjoy playing? What did you learn?â (focuses on experience and growth)
Instead of: âYou should be further along by now.â (creates product-focus and judgment) Try: âYouâre exactly where you should be in your learning. Keep practicing.â (validates the process)
When children make mistakes: Instead of: Rescuing them or showing disappointment Try: âWhat happened? What could you try differently next time?â (teaches DOC: observe and correct without judgment)
Beyond helping children maintain their practicing mind, we can actively learn from them:
Observe how children play: Notice their complete absorption in the present moment. This is the state youâre aiming for in your practice.
Watch how children learn: They try, observe, adjust, try againâpure DOC cycle, without the emotional baggage adults add.
Notice their persistence: They donât question whether something is worth pursuing. If it interests them, they pursue it, period.
Study their lack of self-consciousness: Theyâre not worried about looking foolish or what others think. Theyâre too busy being engaged.
Choose one activity and approach it with âbeginnerâs mindââas if you were a child encountering it for the first time:
1. Forget what you âknowâ about this activity 2. Engage with pure curiosity: What do you notice? Whatâs interesting about it? 3. Donât judge your performance: Just explore and observe 4. Find one thing to appreciate about the process itself, independent of results
This reconnects you with the natural practicing mind you once possessed.
Perhaps the most important thing children teach us is that process-oriented engagement is joyful. The practicing mind isnât a grim discipline you force yourself to adoptâitâs a return to the natural joy of full engagement that you knew as a child.
When adults rediscover this, they often say: âI forgot that practice could be fun. I forgot that I could just enjoy doing something without worrying about whether Iâm good enough.â
Children never forgotâthey naturally know that being fully present with an activity is its own reward. Goals and achievements are nice bonuses, but the real satisfaction is in the engaged process itself.
If you teach or parent children, youâre in a privileged position: teaching forces you to clarify and practice these principles yourself.
When you teach a child to stay patient, you must practice patience. When you help a child embrace mistakes, you must model non-judgment. When you guide a child to focus on process, you must embody process-focus yourself.
Children are remarkably sensitive to hypocrisy. Theyâll adopt what you do far more readily than what you say. So teaching the practicing mind to children becomes a powerful practice for developing it yourself.
The best teaching is mutual learning. You teach children the principles of the practicing mind, and they teach you (through their natural example) what those principles look like in action.
You help them maintain what they naturally possess, and they remind you of what you naturally possessed but lost. Itâs a beautiful reciprocal relationship.
These lessons arenât just about actual childrenâtheyâre about reclaiming the childlike qualities that make learning natural and life enjoyable:
Curiosity over cynicism Exploration over efficiency Process over product Presence over planning Play over performance Wonder over worry
You donât have to become childish (immature, irresponsible). Youâre invited to become childlike (present, curious, engaged, non-judgmental).
Think back to something you loved to do as a child. How did you approach it? What was your relationship with practice and repetition? Can you bring any of that quality to something youâre learning now as an adult?