âSometimes love asks us to choose between what we want and who we are. The true test is whether we can honor both.â â Paulo Coelho, Brida
Bridaâs life has become divided between two powerful loves, and she can no longer avoid the question that burns within her: Which one do I choose? How can I have both?
With Lorens, she experiences earthly loveâthe warmth of physical affection, the pleasure of ordinary conversation, the joy of sharing daily life with someone who cares deeply for her. Lorens accepts her spiritual practice but does not share it. He is rooted in the material world, devoted to his work, present in his body and his senses. With Lorens, Brida can be a woman in love, building toward marriage, experiencing ordinary happiness.
With Magus, she experiences transcendent loveâthe meeting of souls, the recognition of deep spiritual purpose, the feeling of being truly seen by someone who understands the depths of her being. But Magus is not available for the ordinary life that Lorens offers. His path is solitary and dedicated to teaching. He has warned her from the beginning that romantic love is not his destination.
Both loves are real. Both are soul-level connections. Yet the two paths seem mutually exclusive. If Brida commits fully to Lorens, will she be betraying her spiritual calling? If she chooses Magus, will she be denying the genuine love that she feels for Lorens?
One evening, sitting alone in her small apartment, Brida is seized by despair. She feels torn apart, unable to move in either direction without losing something essential. She cries out, in her agony: âWhy canât I have both? Why does love seem to require choosing? Why canât a woman be both a spiritual being and a lover, both a student and a partner?â
Her distress eventually brings her to Wiccaâs shop, where she pours out her anguish. Wicca listens patiently, then responds: âYour pain comes from a false premise. You believe that you must choose between who you are and who you love. But this is the illusion that traps many seekers.â
She continues: âThe belief that spiritual growth requires renouncing love is one lie. The belief that romantic love requires abandoning spiritual growth is another lie. Both are limitations imposed by a society that fears the power of integrated women and men.â
Wicca takes Bridaâs hand and asks a different question: âThe real question is not âWhom should I choose?â but rather âWho am I becoming, and can this relationship support that becoming?ââ
She explains: âEvery relationship has a role in your evolution. Some relationships are meant to last a lifetime. Some are meant to teach you something specific and then naturally complete. The question is not âWhich person do I love more?â but rather âWhich path supports my authentic growth?ââ
Wicca teaches Brida to look deeper into her feelings. Is her attachment to Lorens based on genuine love and mutual support, or is it based on fearâfear of being alone, fear of losing normalcy, fear of the demands of spiritual development? Similarly, is her pull toward Magus based on genuine spiritual alignment, or is it based on projectionâseeing him as more spiritually advanced and hoping he will validate her worthiness?
Wicca teaches Brida a deep meditation to access the truth beneath the emotional confusion:
Sit in silence. Breathe naturally. Bring to mind your love for Lorens. Feel the love fully. Notice what arisesâjoy, fear, longing, resistance. What does your authentic self know about this love? Is it complete, or is something missing? Would being fully committed to Lorens fully satisfy your soul?
As Brida sits with these questions, tears flow. She acknowledges, with complete honesty, that while she loves Lorens deeply, being in an ordinary life with him would eventually create a subtle ache. Her soul would feel incomplete. She would begin to resent Lorens for not being able to meet her in the depths where she travels.
Now bring to mind your connection with Magus. Feel the spiritual recognition, the sense of being truly seen and understood at the deepest level. What does your authentic self know about this connection? Is it whole and complete, or is something missing?
As Brida sits with this question, she realizes something she has been reluctant to acknowledge: Her connection with Magus, as profound as it is, is not complete in the way that romantic love could be. Magus has honored clear boundaries. He has been honest that his path does not include the domestic partnership that Bridaâs heart also yearns for.
She has been in love not with what Magus offers, but with an imagined future where Magus would change, where he would choose domestic partnership over solitude. This is projection and fantasy, not recognition of who Magus actually is and what he actually offers.
Once Brida has clarity on these truths, Wicca guides her toward an even deeper teaching: âThe choice you face is not between Magus and Lorens. The choice is between who you have been and who you are becoming. You must choose yourself.â
She explains: âYou have been a girl who sought completion through othersâfirst through Magus, seeking validation that you are worthy because a wise man acknowledges you, and now through Lorens, seeking completion through romantic partnership. Neither of these relationships can complete you because completion cannot come from outside yourself.â
Wicca continues: âWhat you must choose is the path of becoming a whole womanâintegrated, powerful, complete within yourself. Once you have made that choice, the question of Lorens or Magus will resolve itself naturally. You will not choose based on need or fear but based on authentic alignment.â
Wicca tells Brida that she cannot move forward on her spiritual path while clinging to the fantasy of what Magus might become. She must release this fantasy and honor Magus as he truly isâa great teacher but not a romantic partner.
Similarly, she must be honest with Lorens about who she is and who she is becoming. She cannot pretend to be someone who will be satisfied with an ordinary life when her soul yearns for something more. If Lorens can accept and support her full becoming, then the relationship has potential. If not, it is kinder to release it, as painful as that may be.
âThe initiation you are approaching,â Wicca says, ârequires that you release all attachments based on fantasy. You must choose your path with full awareness of what you are choosing and full honesty about what you are releasing.â
Brida begins the difficult process of honest conversation. She sits with Lorens and tells him the complete truth: that she loves him, but that her spiritual path is calling her deeper and deeper into dimensions he doesnât share. She tells him that she cannot be happy in a relationship that requires her to diminish her spiritual seeking.
She asks him: âCan you love me as I truly amâa woman who is a spiritual seeker, a witch, someone who hears voices you donât hear and follows paths you donât understand? Or would you prefer that I become more conventional, more ordinary?â
Lorens responds with honesty of his own. He tells her that he loves her, but that he cannot fully support what her path requires. He is not spiritual; he cannot be her spiritual companion. He had hoped that her spiritual practice would remain a hobby, something she did but didnât take too seriously.
In that honest conversation, Brida and Lorens acknowledge that while their love is real, it is not enough. The relationship has served its purposeâto teach Brida about love, about her capacity for connection, about the desires of her human heart. But it cannot be the container for her whole life.
They make the difficult choice to part with respect and love, grieving what might have been while acknowledging what actually is.
With Magus, the conversation is different. She speaks her truth: that she had imagined a romantic future with him and must release that fantasy. She acknowledges that her attachment was partly projection and partly a misunderstanding of the nature of their soul connection.
Magus receives this with compassion and clarity. âI have always been honest about what I can offer,â he says gently. âBut it is natural that you projected what you hoped for. That projection has taught you something important about yourselfâabout your longing for integrated love, for a partnership that honors both the spiritual and the human dimensions of your being.â
He continues: âOur souls are connected, and they will remain connected. But the form of that connection must be authentic, not fantasy. I will continue to be your teacher. I will continue to walk with you on the path. But I cannot be the romantic partner your heart seeks. And you will not find that partnership while you are invested in changing me.â
In this conversation, Brida experiences a shift. The pain of unrequited romantic love begins to transform into the joy of authentic spiritual companionship. She realizes that losing Magus as a romantic partner means she has actually gained him as a true teacher, without the distortion of romantic fantasy.
Once Brida has made her choiceâto release her attachment to both Magus as a romantic partner and to Lorens as a life partnerâsomething profound shifts. She experiences a kind of freedom she has never known. She is no longer divided, no longer operating from fear or fantasy. She is whole, standing in her own power, facing her path with clarity and purpose.
She understands that she may encounter romantic love again, but it will be different. It will be love built on the foundation of her own wholeness, not on the desperate hope that someone else can complete her. It will be love chosen consciously, not fallen into by chance.